My shorts are more plaid than yours

Warm weather is here and you know what that means. Going to the beach. Hanging around outside. Baseball, frisbee, and other excellent sports. Girls dressing well, quite possibly more revealing. Hopefully more revealing. Just not slutty. Because that's a pet peeve of mine. Girls outwardly dressing slut-like. A classy sort of revealing. That's the stuff. But yeah, I'm a huge fan of the warm weather. Winter in New York sucks. I thought going to college was going to be a great thing because I wouldn't need to be the dude shoveling large amounts of snow off my randomly wide driveway. But my school is a concrete wasteland. And Snow + Concrete = Slipping more than Eddie Murphy's acting career. Warm weather is a great thing but for every good there's a bad.

Plaid shorts are back. On girls, they look cute and classy. On guys.... They... They just suck. I mean some plaid shorts look good. Especially when matched with outfits that humanly maake sense. But for the most part, plaid shorts make dudes look like aristocratic douches. Or wannabe aristocratic douches. Or idiots. Especially when middle-aged guys wear them. It hurts to see a middle-aged man try to be "in" by wearing plaid shorts. It hurts me more to see a person in their plaid shorts, with a bright, pastel colored shirt, and a random baseball cap. Like seriously, scraping my knee relieves the pain of me seeing someone in that outfit.

I'm not going to lie, I own a couple of plaid shorts. They are rather plain, not some bright-ass, preppy, unnecessary, sweater-tied-around-the-neck type thing. I wear them sparingly, mostly when I feel like they look proper. I mean I'm not the biggest hater of plaid shorts, I've adjusted to it myself. The thing that truly kills me inside is men wearing flip flops.

(Picture randomly taken from Google) These guys sure don't know anything about baseball. How do I know? They are walking in a V-Formation. And they all have flip flops on. And shaved legs. You gotta look good for the game. And wear a hat that has nothing to do with the team solely because it matches your outfit. And wearing long sleeves with shorts make no sense. Mostly because the shorts and flip flops imply that the weather is nice outside. Los Angeles is usually a warm city during baseball season. But there must be an exception. The upper part of their bodies must be cold while the lower part is warm. Which is weird because common science says that warm air rises because it is less dense. So I guess their bodies defy science. So they must be Superman. That makes up for the fact that they know absolutely nothing about baseball and that all Manny Ramirez is to them is that "quirky popular guy that I probably should see".

Unless your toenails are perfectly done and you have feet smoother than Chazz Reinhold in "Wedding Crashers", I beg you to hide your toes. I ain't trying to see some nasty looking contorted toes, or yellow-ass toenails. People with feet that smell like a porn stars ass should be eliminated. I'm not some sort of uber-masculine dude trying to hate on guys. I'm not hating on guys I'm hating on feet. And if a man were to ever choose to expose their feet, they should wear sandals and not flip flops. But that's only worst case scenario like some mayday on a desert island no options or solutions type situation. Flip flops should only be worn at a beach or on the way to a pool. Flip flops to a baseball game? HELL NO! Flip flops to the mall? Only if you're on your way to buy shoes to cover up your nasty-ass feet. But if you do have nice feet that don't smell like Fat Bastard's folds, then go on and wear those flippy floppies.