Music common sense

It seems as if a large portion of American society has no common sense when it comes to music. In fact, after 25 years of scientific research, I can confidently state that people like music based on the artists reputation, instead of the content itself. Granted, it takes a ton of effort and achievements to gain a great reputation. That does not mean you should resort to being a lazy clown after success. I was always told to aim high, go for it all, never slow down or quit, and work hard. Essentially always strive for something better. It seems like the human thing to do. Eminem has done the exact opposite. After beginning his career with great, thoughtful, and catchy music, Eminem has gone to the dark side. His new half-assed music sucks more than Hoover vacuums. And that's a lot, NOBODY does it like Hoover. Anyways, it isn't Marshall Mathers' fault that his music sucks. He's old as hell now and hadn't released an album in a couple of years. Plus, we've all known that his first singles are gimmicky and silly. (My Name Is, The Real Slim Shady, Without Me, etc). So what bothers me?

I've always been an Eminem fan since I was that little kid listening to "My Name Is" thinking "Oh my God he is so funny cursing and making fun of people!". His music reached an obvious peak about 9 years ago and it has been all downhill since. It doesn't bother me at all since he is older and probably/hopefully has much more things on his plate than simply music. The thing that is troublesome is the fans.

Are people stupid? My mom has always thought so. She's probably right. How else can you explain people loving Eminem's new music? He must be a witch or something. Dude was flying through his "The Way I Am" video. I swear that it wasn't CGI or Green Screen. He must be an actual witch with the power to get suburbanites to love his music. I won't even use the White-Card on this one. When 50 Cent released "Candy Shop", that song went to #1. That song was the worst piece of garbage in the history of the world. Until Eminem came out with "We Made You". Miraculously, that song reached top 10 status in the US. When I hear that song, I want to insert a power drill in my ear to alleviate the pain. Continuing with my theme, it's not Eminem's fault that the song was so popular. People are dumb as hell. That's the cause of all of society's problems but I'll elaborate on this specific instance of human stupidity even more.

So what is so good about "We Made You"? ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. The song has terribly corny lyrics. The voice/flow that Eminem uses is more of a nuisance than cleaning rain gutters. The beat isn't even catchy in any way shape or form. It sounds like Dr.Dre, a human legend, intentionally gave Eminem a clown beat. That's like 1st degree premeditated Corn attack. Except Eminem gladly accepted it. So it was consensual. Eminem should be punished anyways for releasing this song. He should be forced to rap in a normal human talking voice instead of his whiny, weird, shriek-death-chant. I'm not mad at Eminem though.

I watched a performance of "We Made You" on Youtube and saw the most appalling thing I've seen since the time I watched the Oakland A's hit. I saw the crowd move around to the beat. Dancing. Bopping their heads. Grooving to it. HOW CAN A HUMAN BEING POSSIBLY FIND THAT SONG APPEALING TO DANCE TO? That saddened me more than the end of the movie "Gran Torino" (CLINT EASTWOOD GETS SHOT BY THE ASIAN GANGBANGERS) Whoops, sorry to ruin that. Anyways, I am depressed to live in a society where humans, my peers, my fellow earth citizens, feel like they can dance to that song. Dancing to that song is more wrong than Mo Williams when he said the Cavs were going to win the series against the Magic. You cannot possibly dance to "We Made You". The beat is more conducive to acquiring hepatitis than it is to making your hips move.

People like that song because of Eminem's reputation as "The Greatest Rapper Alive". I'd love to blame the media and MTV. Ultimately, you gotta blame the consumers. I mean honestly, Eminem can release a compilation of his greatest shits and it'd sell 10 times more than an actual good artist like Kenna. It's the same with 50 Cent and the hideous "Candy Shop". His reputation with classics like "In Da Club" preceded him and led to an easy track to his next number one. In the end, Eminem and 50 Cent get paid the big bucks. Society loses again. And its our fault.

50 Cent Drives a Rolls Royce Phantom. Thats like one of his 3498390454 cars. Thanks for giving him the money for it idiots!

The lesson is to use your judgment and common sense when listening to music. If you want to dance, you can never go wrong with Lady Gaga or Sean Paul. If you want to feel depressed or mellow or whatever you call it, Radiohead is probably the elixir. And finally, if you want to take a crap, just listen to Eminem's voice. It's the best laxative around with no side effects


Warning: Do not watch if you have loose bowels. Unless you have a towel handy then that's totally supercool